(AP) -- After problems getting to class on time and difficulties with a roommate, Bobby Gwizdz told his parents he had enough. The freshman at Michigan State University wanted to quit college and come home. Life at a big university just wasn't for him.
Psychologists call this the "dump call," a normal reaction to college life for some freshmen.
Bobby's mother, Judy Putnam, who works near the campus and calls herself a "swoop in and save mom," admits she may have contributed to her son's difficulties in his first weeks at college. She drove him to class occasionally and intervened in the roommate crisis.
When a counselor told her she was giving her son a signal that he couldn't handle the situation on his own, Putnam pulled back. But it was difficult. "He has always been a little fragile and I have a special attachment to him," she says.
Today, her son, who has cerebral palsy, is a senior at Michigan State, a regular on the dean's list, and on his way to receiving a social studies degree and teaching certificate.
The trials the family endured are common, says Laura S. Kastner, a psychologist at the University of Washington and co-author of "The Launching Years: Strategies for Parenting from Senior Year to College Life" (Three Rivers Press, 2002).
For freshmen entering college this fall, everything is about to change, and that's also difficult for parents, Kastner says. But by dealing thoughtfully with the anxieties that come with leaving home, parents can make the transition much smoother.
They must recognize teens' anxiety -- often expressed in "funky behavior" -- in the weeks before college begins. For some teenagers, that means spending almost every waking moment with high school friends, to the almost total exclusion of parents. Students sense the impending loss of longtime friends and know parents will always be there, Kastner explains.
Anne Reeks of Houston noted a different behavior from her son, Sam Rassenfoss, who enters the University of Missouri this fall. This summer, Sam seemed to rediscover an appreciation for family activities.
"We eat together, and we played Monopoly on Sunday night, and it has probably been a year since he willingly sat down to do that with us," his mother says.
Parents with their own anxieties and feelings of loss are advised to filter what they say to college-bound children. Avoid sitting down and having everyone stew, Kastner says.
She recalls hearing one parent tell a child that going off to college meant they had spent their last Mothers Day and Fathers Day together.
"Stop talking to me like I am dying," the kid responded.
Instead, parents should flip the conversation from loss to appreciation for the child's achievement, Kastner says.
When Julie Gale's son Toby, 18, cut short his accepted-students tour at State University of New York in Purchase, saying he wanted to go home, she took it in stride, seeing it as the normal anxiety of a college-bound freshman.
"I think he just couldn't handle it," says Gale, of Mamaroneck, New York, whose two older sons also had gone off to college. "You have to know the kid. This is one that when his heel is dug in, there is very little you can do about it, so you just say, OK."
A particular challenge for parents may be devising a plan to stay connected with their freshman, without intruding. The Internet and e-mail provide an effective link, but even that can require strategic planning. Predictably, parents are more likely to hit the response button immediately when they get a message from their kids, while students are more likely to wait three days before responding to a parent's e-mail.
"E-mailing is really helpful," says Susan Boyd of Birmingham, Alabama, whose daughter, Amanda, is attending Pitzer College in Claremont, California "The problem with phone conversations is there is this two-hour time difference and it seemed like whenever I called, it was not the time to talk."
In the stressful days leading up to departure, an occasional dose of reality is a good antidote to the romanticizing of the college experience, Kastner says.
"Despite the buildup, colleges are a mixed bag of experiences," she notes.
Entering freshmen are emerging adults and should be treated that way, but they bring a mixed repertoire of skills to college life.
"Messes should be expected," Kastner says.
And what if parents get the dreaded "dump call"? Be responsive but don't overreact, the experts say. College students making these calls are trying to reconnect emotionally to their parents, and may make extreme statements.
"Nine times out of 10, young people hang up the phone feeling better, while parents feel worse," says Kastner.