Out-of-the-Shower Media Challenges Pajama Media to West-Side-Story-Style Rumble

Cry havoc! Let slip the dogs of war!

For too long, the pajama media has imposed a reign of terror on its brother!

For too long these disrobed bloggers have pressed their tyrannical thumbs upon their allies.

Day after day, they sit in front of their computers, showing scorn toward the mainstream media but denying entirely the existence of a second sect of bloggers who do not wear formal clothing.

The pajama media represents itself as a unified front, but nothing could be further from the truth. There is more to this group than you might assume. A deep rift separates its two most powerful factions: those who prefer to blog in their nightclothes, and those who like to wait until they've showered, blogging in nothing but a towel.

Since we live in a world of reason, order, and decency, only one course of action could possibly resolve this conflict. War! Not a ruthless, fiery military campaign, but a rumble like the one in "West Side Story." (Watch the opening sequence from "West Side Story" here.)

We shall meet this Friday at midnight on the local basketball court, wearing pajamas and towels respectively, call each other arcane epithets, and dance around aggressively until a clear winner has been determined. Then, and only then, will the out-of-the-shower media be free.

We, the members of the out-of-the-shower media, cannot blog with bed-head! We will throw off the shackles of censorship like a blanket off a morning bed. The digital age has produced an environment where a housewife in her nightgown and slippers can influence public policy. But why must she blog before her shower. Wouldn't the fresh scent of shampoo and conditioner make her endeavors more satisfying?

Every era has its iconic newsperson. The middle ages had the town crier, puritanical New England had the local pastor, the early 1900s had Pulitzer and Hearst, the 1960s had Cronkite, and the 1990s had an overweight Urukai named Rush Limbaugh. Now, the torch has been passed to a new breed of cultural commissars. The out-of-the-towel media must stand up and demand the pajama media give credit where it is due.

Respect us, plaid-clad pundits! Give us our propers.

Matt Lavin is the creator/editor of "Bosworth: An Online Humor Magazine Brimming with Unearned self-Importance."

http://www.bosworthmagazine.com

He is also working toward a PhD in literature at the University of Iowa.